2014 - Enigma

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Frustration.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson.

We have all, as the insignificant yet highly relevant beings that we are have been frustrated with ones self so severely that we wish, no FEEL the need to make a change immediately. In a world vastly consumed by fabrications and guises, money, deception, surprises and mundane dinner parties sat across from people you have met only once or twice, these things no longer serve as the distraction we seek every day when we reach the height of frustration with ourselves. For some it may be a specific day, a year, a full month, a week or heck even an hour, whatever the period of time may be it is a gift given to us in the form of self reflection.

Reflections of your past, reflections of your choices, reflections of you as a whole, reflections of the people you surround yourself with, all in all whatever the reflection may be, they are there to better us. Hell if you are happy with the reflection (s) of your past, do tell us your secret. Yet for most I know we can all agree that if anything they make us vent.

Obliterate the stubborn dust which has so vehemently landed and settled itself on your existence. Stand up and brush yourself down of it all, in order to understand what you have done to make yourself so uncomfortable in your own skin.

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." - Henry Ford.

We have all came to the point in our lives where we have had enough. Enough of drowning from the thirst which engulfs our raspy throats, enough of mentally giving up, enough of giving into emotions which prevent us from moving forward and bettering ourselves as a person.

Patience. AH patience! If there was an ideal candidate for a bitch, it is patience. We all have had that one moment, situation or occasion that we want to change or take back.  How several different situations could have turned out if I had only been more patient. I personally don't adhere to this silly notion that you should never regret things. Sure it made us happy at one point, but how else do you wish to expiate your sins if not by regretting? I know I am not alone in this thinking. That feeling of contentment which rushes through you when you realise that patience is indeed, a virtue.

Become free of your mummified fears. See reality as it is and accept responsibility for it. At the end of each and every single day all we wish for is closure. You and you alone are responsible for yourself, and your actions, and that's all you can control. So rather than exerting unnecessary energy on things you cannot control, try to fix the things you can.

Embrace yourself. There is this thing about getting older and more mature as you age… and it's that you become more comfortable with who you are. And quite frankly, I just want to be me again.

SK.

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Beautiful Mess
You would expect the exploration of trust to be a superb and insightful tour. To come out the other end satisfied. Very rarely does that happen. Many of us now regard with approval, this mass newfound interpretation of trust, thanks to various quotes and memes that have infiltrated social media. Most have rendered some their life meaning or motto.  Take for example “Trust no one but yourself” although we all are aware that even though this notion is ideal, thanks to human nature it cannot happen. 

We have all trusted another at some point in our lives. Whether it was mediocre, or the kind of trust we wish won’t ever be betrayed. The word “trust” has became so stretched and written to death on by these very “quotes” that I believe it has lost a good deal of its literal meaning.  Trust is an essential human experience. It is needed, without it fear will overcome you. Finding that balance is key, I believe. If not most of us are left wandering aimlessly, with a layer of delirium which itches at our skin.

“When mistrust comes in, love goes out” – an Irish saying.

When you feel betrayed by the very person you did not ever doubt, naturally anger engulfs us. Inevitably you want to hurt them back. You fight against your love for them in order to allow yourself to make them pay for it over and over again. But you never let them go.  Why? As you have those whom you know can be trusted again, and have formed a loyal bond with you that you realise, hey, they really are sorry and wish to prove their loyalty to you once more. 

We may not be aware that we are doing it but subconsciously you wish to give them a hard time. Through subtle digs you repeatedly express the underlying contempt you have for the person, built up slowly after the betrayal. Rather than forgiving or cutting the person out of your life you silently stand your ground behind a wall of resentment. Gradually the other starts reciprocating in kind until the relationship becomes saturated in a mutual silent bitterness. It is two people sharing a space made for one. Claustrophobic and suffocated by the weight of the things left unsaid.

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

I know most of you can relate to that inexorable feeling of clinging to grievance. In at least one kind of relationship, mainly friendships we’ve felt disgruntled and resentful. Angry yet wanting to forgive, but figuring out how to was the challenge. Your mind becomes numb in search of this ability to forgive, but we just couldn’t.

Naturally, you never forget when someone breaks your trust, as hard as you may try to. This is where the fear fills you and gradually ingrains itself within you. That fear that it may be broken again.  Holding onto doubt however is a surefire and toxic way to suffer. Granted, you cannot easily just brush away those feelings and just start thinking positively straight away. You can’t make yourself (or someone else) feel trusting just by the click of your fingers or eradicating your feelings. Essentially it takes time and effort to trust again. To believe in the person once more it requires you to look  more at their goodness and positive intentions.

Having to believe they can treat you with consideration and most importantly respect. Being on the defensive about everything feels as if everything becomes a battle and no one ever wins. Yes of course, we won’t ever know if someone will hurt us once more. But it is inevitable that we must trust again as it is the only way we will find out. I suppose the only question that should spring to mind is, is this relationship worth the risk?

SK.

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