We have all trusted another at some point in our lives. Whether it was mediocre, or the kind of trust we wish won’t ever be betrayed. The word “trust” has became so stretched and written to death on by these very “quotes” that I believe it has lost a good deal of its literal meaning. Trust is an essential human experience. It is needed, without it fear will overcome you. Finding that balance is key, I believe. If not most of us are left wandering aimlessly, with a layer of delirium which itches at our skin.
“When mistrust comes in, love goes out” – an Irish saying.
When you feel betrayed by the very person you did not ever doubt, naturally anger engulfs us. Inevitably you want to hurt them back. You fight against your love for them in order to allow yourself to make them pay for it over and over again. But you never let them go. Why? As you have those whom you know can be trusted again, and have formed a loyal bond with you that you realise, hey, they really are sorry and wish to prove their loyalty to you once more.
We may not be aware that we are doing it but subconsciously you wish to give them a hard time. Through subtle digs you repeatedly express the underlying contempt you have for the person, built up slowly after the betrayal. Rather than forgiving or cutting the person out of your life you silently stand your ground behind a wall of resentment. Gradually the other starts reciprocating in kind until the relationship becomes saturated in a mutual silent bitterness. It is two people sharing a space made for one. Claustrophobic and suffocated by the weight of the things left unsaid.
"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley
I know most of you can relate to that inexorable feeling of clinging to grievance. In at least one kind of relationship, mainly friendships we’ve felt disgruntled and resentful. Angry yet wanting to forgive, but figuring out how to was the challenge. Your mind becomes numb in search of this ability to forgive, but we just couldn’t.
Naturally, you never forget when someone breaks your trust, as hard as you may try to. This is where the fear fills you and gradually ingrains itself within you. That fear that it may be broken again. Holding onto doubt however is a surefire and toxic way to suffer. Granted, you cannot easily just brush away those feelings and just start thinking positively straight away. You can’t make yourself (or someone else) feel trusting just by the click of your fingers or eradicating your feelings. Essentially it takes time and effort to trust again. To believe in the person once more it requires you to look more at their goodness and positive intentions.
Having to believe they can treat you with consideration and most importantly respect. Being on the defensive about everything feels as if everything becomes a battle and no one ever wins. Yes of course, we won’t ever know if someone will hurt us once more. But it is inevitable that we must trust again as it is the only way we will find out. I suppose the only question that should spring to mind is, is this relationship worth the risk?
Shareen K
